Where's Miss Manners When You Need Her?

At times like this, I wish Cancun had a Miss Manners column.

What do I do when someone “self invites” themselves to my wedding?

The other night, I ran into an acquaintance from college. We had a conversation that went something like this:

Pedro: So, when are you getting married?

Me: This July.

Pedro: Oh, great! Could you tell me exactly what day, so I can ask for time off of work?

Me: (panicking) July 22. But it’s a Thursday, so it may be difficult for you to go since it’s not on the weekend.

Pedro: Don’t worry! If I ask in advance, I can get the time off.

Me: Ok! Sounds great!

What have I done? I know, I’ve already screwed this up.

I have tons of friends that I would love to invite to the wedding, and I’m sure at least a few of them already assume they’re invited. My problem is, my fiance’s parents both come from families of 8 kids… so you can imagine the massive amounts of cousins, aunts, uncles, etc on our list, in addition to close friends and family friends.

My brilliant plan for the moment is to hope I don’t run into him and hope he forgets.

Anyone have any better ideas? How does one handle these situations?

8 thoughts on “Where's Miss Manners When You Need Her?

  1. When he doesn’t get his proper invitation in the mail, hopefully he’ll get the hint. Either that, or being a guy, he might forget. That is dicey though!

  2. Okay first of all I think under the circumstances you did the best you could I would have done the same thing and just be praying I can avoid him!

    I was so excited to see the word Cancun in your titile. I was just there for the first time in January. We had sooooo much fun 🙂

  3. Hahaha – ohhh man do I remember that. I think I still have a few “friends” mad at me for not inviting them! Get over it , that was 5 years ago!!

    Best advice for future self-inviters (love making words up) – remind them it’s NOT in Cancun, but in Merida?? Maybe they won’t be able to get there?I don’t know, I’m a sucker… so buena suerte amiga!!!
    Should I send you my address so my invite doesnt’ get lost? LOL

  4. Just tell everyone that you are looking forward to their really nice, expensive wedding present.
    Or…
    Let him know that you are so glad you ran into him because you are going to need someone to drive all of your anglo relatives from Cancun to Merida for the wedding and back on the day of the wedding.
    Or…
    Just invite him to read your blog.

  5. Eeeek! Isn’t this so hard? Why must others breach all forms of etiquette and put us through this?

    You have a couple of options: let it go and hope he forgets OR find a way to contact and say, “Hey, it was great running into you. I appreciate your interest in my wedding. I just wanted to let you know that it’s going to be mostly a family affair (we both have big families!) but I would love to reconnect with you at another time!” Or something like that…? Gosh, so annoying when this happens.

  6. Ironically, a friend’s wedding invite just came today. She & her fiancee let everyone know that they couldn’t “afford” to invite everyone- hey, its a recession- so close relatives come first. Get peoples’ addresses & let them know up front, you’ll only be sending them an invite (if after the relatives), you have any left for friends. People should understand a young couple not having enough money for a large wedding.

  7. I have no idea how to tactfully handle that! Weddings can be so much fun, yet so stressful and confusing too.

    Thanks for coming by my blog for my SITS day. And thanks for your compliments on my feet! 🙂

  8. Well first, he doesn’t know the time and location, right? So you’ve got that going for you.
    Also, I’ve heard of people sending out invites for an ‘after-dinner dance’, so those people show up after dinner to drink, dance, and help you celebrate, but they aren’t invited to the actual wedding. To help save space and cost on feeding people and whatnot.

    Did he give you his address to mail an invite? If not, you can also use that as an excuse…
    If all else fails, just do what a few others have said… say it’s a family affair. Your date is still far enough out that you don’t have details fine tuned yet…

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